Homer Simpson Quotes on Life

Homer Simpson Quotes on Life and Other Temporary Events

Homer Simpson on Aliens
[Meeting Aliens] "Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!"

Homer Simpson on Health Care
"America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!"

Homer Simpson on Fathers
"Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."

Homer Simpson on Computers
"To Start Press Any Key. Where's the ANY key?"

Homer Simpson on Work
"I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!"

Homer Simpson on Women
"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."

Homer Simpson on Education
"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

Homer Simpson on Life and Authority
"Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!"

"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!"

Homer Simpson on Religion
"Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?"

*****

More Homer Simpson Quotes

See quotes from that other great American - Warren Buffett

Top 13 Warren Buffett Quotes

Warren Buffett Quotes

Warren Buffett the Oracle of Omaha on Investing and Stocks

1. "Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1"


2. "Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful."


3. "It's far better to buy a wonderful company at a fair price than a fair company at a
   wonderful price."


4. “You only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out.”


5. "Risk comes from not knowing what you're doing."


6. "I try to buy stock in businesses that are so wonderful that an idiot can run them. Because sooner or later, one will."


7. "I don’t look to jump over 7-foot bars: I look around for 1-foot bars that I can step over."


8. "Look at market fluctuations as your friend rather than your enemy; profit from folly rather than participate in it."


9. "Most people get interested in stocks when everyone else is. The time to get interested is when no one else is. You can’t buy what is popular and do well."


10. "Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good results."


11. "I like to go for cinches. I like to shoot fish in a barrel. But I like to do it after the water has run out."


12. "Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago."


13. "If you aren't willing to own a stock for ten years, don't even think about owning it for ten minutes. "

See here for quotes from that other great American Homer Simpson - Homer Simpson Quotes
See here for more on the investing style of Warren Buffett

Inspirational Quote for Life

Great Life Quotes - Woody Allen, Oscar Wilde, The Buddha

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. - Woody Allen

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Oscar Wilde

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
Oscar Wilde

The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived.
Oscar Wilde

The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. The moment you reject all help, you are free. - The Buddha

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. - The Buddha

A wise man, recognizing that the world is but an illusion, does not act as if it is real, so he escapes the suffering. - The Buddha

Deluded people don't realize that their own mind is the Buddha. They keep searching outside. - Bodhidharma

Homer Simpson Life Quotes

Life Quotes - Great Homer Simpson Quotes about Birth, Death, Marriage and Weeding

Homer Simpson Quotes

Homer Simpson on Marriage - Giving a Lecture

"What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as "The process of removing weeds from one's garden."

Homer Simpson on Effort
"Trying is the first step towards failure."

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."

Homer Simpson on Religion
"The lesson is : Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!"

Homer Simpson on Lisa and Science
"This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke : It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!"

"FBI agent Scully : This is just a simple lie-detector test. I'll ask some simple questions and you should answer with yes or no. Do you understand?
Homer : Yes.
[ The machine blows up ]."

Homer Simpson on Mothers
"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."

"You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, `Homer, you're a big disappointment,' and God bless her soul, she was really onto something."

Homer Simpson on Homer Simpson
"Maybe he is acting stupid to infiltrate an international gang of idiots. ( about a TV character named after him )."

Homer Simpson on Bart Simpson
"Bart : Gee ... Sorry for being born.
Homer : I've been waiting for so long to hear that."

"Bart : I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer : Son, I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out."

Homer Simpson on Solar Energy, Nuclear Power and the Environment
"And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream"

Homer Simpson on Education
"Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England."

Homer Simpson on Money
"Homer : Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge : What's that?
Homer : [thinks] A dinosaur"

Homer Simpson on Life
"Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer."

More Homer Simpson Quotes